17 days ago I came home to find my son in the living room as he almost always is. Normal things happened. I said hi, how was your day at school. Things like that. Normal did not last, however, and now our lives are going to be much more different than they were.
Or will they?
I noticed an envelope with my name on it on the table where I put all of my mail and stuff when I get home. My heart started racing. I knew what it was before I even picked it up. My wife had left me. There were three things in that envelope: a letter for me, a letter for my son, and my wife’s wedding band. It was over and it was my fault.
Okay, I know, it wasn’t entirely my fault. She and I are both to blame. I didn’t give her enough attention and she didn’t talk to me when she needed something. She didn’t talk to me when she was in one of her depressed moods. I probably played entirely too many games.
That night was hard. I was mad. I was angry and hurt. I was sad. Sad that she had left. Angry and hurt that she left the way that she did. Mad at myself for being an idiot for so long. Angry again when my son called her and watching him beg her to come home. Yelling at her to come home. My heart was breaking at the sight and sound.
I made my son a promise then and there. I promised him that I would always be there for him no matter what. I would never leave him. That’s a promise that I have every intention of keeping, and I will do anything that I have to in order to keep it.
There is no worse pain that I have experience than watching my son sitting there in the floor crying and yelling at his mother through the phone. The hurt that I saw in his face was crushing. I became livid. I couldn’t talk to her that night. I know that there would have been yelling and bad decisions would have been made.
I wanted her to come home. I still do, but now I know that it isn’t going to happen. So, after a year of being separated we’ll end up getting divorced. I’ll get full custody of my son and pretty much all of the property. I transferred the car that she’s been driving to her so she won’t have to worry about looking for one. She’ll get visitation with no limits on when.
We have been together for nearly 14 years. We would have been married for 10 years this coming May. I still find myself wondering how someone could leave that much of their life behind.
We never fought. We never communicated with each other very well either. We had a good thing, or so I thought. Now it’s all going to change. It has changed.
I really need to learn how to cook sometime soon. Things that can be cooked on Sunday and portioned out in containers to be eaten during the week. Busy work has been keeping my mind off of the situation for the most part.
Holidays are coming up, however, and that is going to be hard for us. Explaining this situation to the members of my family who don’t already know. Decorating the house for Christmas. Putting up the Christmas tree. My wife loved the holidays.
But I will work through it. I will be strong for my son so that I can help him work through this as well. He’s probably going to be horribly pooled this Christmas.
Gaming is still going to happen because I am going to need that escape. I might not be doing my Destiny 2 reset posts, but I think, at this point, that I might just be done with Destiny. We’ll see about that when this first DLC comes out in a few weeks.
So that’s the short (long?) explanation of why I haven’t done my Destiny 2 reset posts recently. It’s not that I believe anyone (the what… 2 of you?) who reads these posts. I think this explanation comes more from me needing to get it out a little more than I have.
Oh, and I know you probably don’t read this, JoJo (yeah yeah, I used that name for you this time), but you’ve been an enormous help for me and Brendan during this time. I’m not entirely sure where I would be mentally without my best friend to talk to. I would also hate to think of where Brendan would be without the daily talks you two have. My family has helped us out quite a bit, but sometimes it’s the person that isn’t blood related that helps the most.
The picture? That’s Jake, my constant companion. So I’m lonely and sad, but not alone after my son goes to bed.