I forgive you

Forgiveness. That is something that is so hard to do, but it is also so very necessary. One cannot hold a grudge against another for any length of time without causing some sort of mental damage to one’s self. You may not think that is true, but it is. Just think about it for a minute.

Someone has slighted you in some manner. It’s not a minor thing; it’s major. It’s caused you a lot of heartache. This thing has caused you to think about everything that you’ve done wrong. The mistakes that you’ve made over the years have become such a huge part of your thoughts that you begin to second guess nearly everything.

Okay. So that’s basically what has been in my mind for the past two months or so. Anger at my wife for leaving me and my son. Almost full blown rage at times. Then there have been the times that I’ve felt so damn sorry for myself for messing things up; times where I have felt like everything that I have done has been wrong. I’ve been watching my son’s grades in school suffer, and I’ve felt absolutely without a prayer of helping him figure things out. I may have been on an absolute edge of depression.

I can’t live like that. Can you?

I spent the week before Christmas dreading the holiday as a whole. Sleep was hard to come by. I think I got about 25 hours of sleep for that entire week. Exhaustion was going to claim me at some point, and I most certainly felt that coming. I even slept through my alarm for a full hour and a half on the first day that I needed to open my business after Christmas.

Something needed to change, so I begun a different regimen when I go to bed about a week ago. I downloaded an app on my phone to assist in meditation and sleep. I haven’t even used it for meditation, but that is something that I intend on trying again at some time in the near future. No, I used it to fall asleep. It has a short session on forgiveness, and that’s exactly what I’ve done.

My mind is so much calmer now that I’ve forgiven my wife for what she had done, even though I haven’t actually told her. Knowing that myself has been a huge help. She’s not the only one that I’ve forgiven, though. I’ve forgiven everyone that has ever caused me any amount of pain. I don’t feel the need to tell them about it, and I don’t feel any need to dwell on those things that have happened in the past. I’ve forgiven myself for doing or thinking things that I could have controlled.

Will this apply to everyone? Probably not, but it’s worth a try.

Forgive those who have wronged you, but there is one other person that you must also forgive and this one is more important that any of the others. You must forgive yourself.

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