Once upon a time I wrote. I always said that I wasn’t any good at it, but my friends always seemed to like it. I’m not sure who was right about that. So, this is some poetry that I wrote 20 years ago, and in some cases, longer than that. You can decide for yourself if it’s any good or not.
Some of it sounds pretty dark now that I reread them. In most cases I don’t even remember what I was thinking or of who I was thinking when I wrote these. I’ll add dates when I actually have them. Maybe some of you readers might have an idea why I wrote what I wrote.
I need a reason
Knowing that I hurt you,
not wanting to leave.
I lost control of reason,
not wanting to deceive.
I saw something in you,
now I see even more.
My love for you has grown,
I know I’ve been a bore.
What you deserve is better,
nothing is what I am.
I wanted to be here for you,
to show you what I can.
I want a reason to come back
to you, I care for you so much.
It almost seems impossible,
to ever be as much.
There is still some love left,
roaming between the two of us.
Seeing and talking to you everyday,
most definitely is a must.
I never wanted to leave you,
to give you up and break apart.
But I need just one reason,
To give you back my heart.
(January 28, 1996)
To my love from far, far away
You said that the words don’t look right on paper,
Oh! you know that’s not true.
For when, and when you’re actually there,
is when one says they love you.
This is true for only some,
But never here for me.
I can say those three words,
in writing or straight to thee.
Please, do understand this little thought.
It’s not that much to see.
For when battles fought have ended,
the last is usually me.
This gives me the chance to write for you
and tell you what I think.
For these three words, “I love you”
just seem to form a link,
forever in my mind.
For when I think of you I must
just want to make you mine.
(May 2, 1995)
as the sun slowly glides towards its western point,
I find my mind wandering, and wondering
of times that were good,
of times that were bad,
of times that I want back.
like that night not long ago,
when we talked of things
i want those days back
when I knew you were there,
unlike these times now, confusion reigns
i need one to talk to, one to love
one to hold and caress
to keep the thoughts,
to love the rain, it’s so still
loneliness is the rule here,
fighting to stay alive
with compassion, love, anger
it’s hard to think,
darkness and light,
a battle, good and evil,
but love prevails, anger dwindles
your image slowly shows its beautiful self,
a rose, a violet, no, velvet
so soft yet elegant.
(May 29, 1995)
Every time my gaze met your eyes,
I felt the twinge of a woeful cry.
I thought of all the things you’ve done,
Of all the things I should have done.
Each time I gazed into your face,
I felt a twinge of hellish disgrace.
Why? I won’t tell you now,
Only because I don’t know how.
Every time we were together
I wished that it would last forever.
I want to see you just once more,
So that I may know your love once more.
That one last time we really talked,
That one last time that we walked
Together, thinking that I will never
Forget you, cherishing these thoughts
forever and ever.
(July 25, 1994)
You know? It’s hard to think of the good times
when all you’ve ever know is ill.
But now I know that it could be mine,
the toughness of an unknown will.
I met her in a graveyard.
Well, that was where we talked.
Of life and death and other things
as we walked and walked.
She always brought me up
from the bottom of my soul.
She always tried to cheer me up
when I call myself a fool.
She helped me become how I am today,
with at least a heart.
Where most people will possibly say
“You’ve always had a heart.”
I don’t know where she is right now,
I can tell you where she lives.
I only know that I miss her much,
She’ll always give and give.
I have at least one more chance to see her,
one more chance to feel,
the love that she once showed me,
one more chance to kneel
in front of you
and apologize for all that I did,
for all I ever may do.
I never, never meant to hurt you.
(January 5, 1995)
I think that should be all for now. I have things that must be done this morning like cleaning the house and whatnot. For some reason I just felt like sharing some of my past. I suppose that you could call it that. Sharing is something that I’ve never done a lot of, especially when it comes to things that I have written.
I told someone recently that I’m not the same man that I was last summer. That’s a realization that I’ve come to more and more over the last several weeks.
Enjoy! Or don’t. It really makes no difference to me.