It’s a beautiful morning

It is.  It really is.  No, the sun isn’t even up yet as I type this.  It’s still relatively dark outside, but it’s a beautiful morning.

This is something that I’ve had to think about over the last 12 hours or so.  My financial state is not where I would like it be at the moment, and it will get worse in the next month or two.  It is something that I’ve stressed about and it very well may have come to a boiling point last night before I went out to walk Jake.  Brendan stayed at home, which was a blessing, because it gave me some quiet time to really think.Walking around the nearby church is very therapeutic at times.  It’s quiet with nature all around, even in this small town that I live in.  There is plenty of green despite the large asphalt parking lot.  It helps to quiet an unquiet mind and it really makes me want to finish the things around my house that I need to finish so that I can get away from here and do some hiking.  I NEED a quiet walk through a forest.

I was struggling coming to terms that my expenses will be going up somewhat sharply soon, but then I thought about the things that I’m grateful that I have even though times may get tougher.  Hell, I’ve even decided to renew my yearly plan on this particular blog space and my domain name.  I was seriously thinking about letting it go, but the yearly expense is not that great, but don’t be surprised if you see a donate button show up one day!

This morning I walked into Brendan’s room to wake him up and it occurred to me that it is a beautiful morning.  I started thinking again about the things that I was grateful for; the things that really matter in life. (Bulleted list incoming!)

  • I woke up this morning and got out of bed.
  • I have a roof over my head that I can call mine.
  • I have a job that allows me to pay my bills, put foot on the table, and put clothes on Brendan’s back.
  • I have a wonderful son (until he becomes a teenager…  you know?) who may be grumpy at times, but he is always kind to others.
  • I have family who cares about me and my son and who would likely do whatever they could to help us out (we’re good and we’ll get through this!).
  • I have friends who are always there to listen to me and offer advice, kind words, and encouragement.
  • I have an amazing dog.
  • I have an outlet, like this, that I can express myself with words rather than with speaking though I need to learn how to use my voice.
  • I’ve built some confidence in myself to allow myself to type these posts up.
  • I have someone special in my life that I care for who pushes me.
  • My stock portfolio is positive this week! (That’s a joke, really.  It’s tiny.  Like $2 positive, but it’s a new thing I’ve been doing through the Stash app.)

Do you understand?  It doesn’t matter what is going on in my life as long as I see and KNOW the things that are so much more important than finances.  Yes, financial problems exist and will cause problems, but those problems are temporary.  Yes, they can cause more problems to arise, but those are problems that can actually be fixed or avoided altogether.  I merely have to adjust my spending habits so that my cushion is back to where it should.

I am so thankful for the things that I have and the people in my life.  This is something that I haven’t expressed nearly enough to those that matter to me.  So, for those that have helped me in various ways through the years, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

My sister for that phone call some 5 or 6 months ago late in the day, among so much other support that she has offered me through the years.

My aunts for their picking and their kind words that they are always quick to offer.  It means more than you may know.

My cousins for being the same way and never changing, gruff though one of them may be.

My parents for always being there if I ever needed them.

My grandmother who is simply the kindest person that I’ve ever known.

My real friends who have always been there to listen to me bitch and rant and rave (and I will always do the same for them).

And thank you Dawn for pushing me to be a better man.

Yes, it’s only in writing, but it’s a place to start.  I may not say these things out loud, but there they are.  My situation will improve though it may darken at first, but I will get through it and get to where I want to be.  It won’t be easy but getting to a good point in life never are.  I will hold my head high as best I can, and I will make everything turn out okay.

Life is a struggle.  The end results when you fight through it all are the best rewards that you can receive.

That’s enough opening up for today I think.  Y’all have a spectacular day!

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