You might not think that your own mind is a prison, but it is. It certainly can be if you allow it to happen. We can get so caught up in our own thoughts that they become an ingrained part of our personalities. I know that I, for one, and completely guilty of allowing this to happen.
I’ve talked about things before here that I’ve thought about; thoughts that seem to often permeate my mind. These are thoughts that have likely hindered myself in one fashion or another, but it’s just so hard to break free of them. These thoughts go round and round like marbles in a funnel. Where’s the end point?
The answer really isn’t all that simple. All of those thoughts stay in your head unless you work at letting them go. They spin around and seep into every single corner of your mind. They become an integral part of you and while that isn’t necessarily a bad thing depending on the thought itself, it’s not something that you should be doing.
We have to be able to let things go. I spend so much of my time holding onto such thoughts as “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m a horrible person.” These thoughts end up coming out as words. They come out in attempts to be humorous, but they are thoughts that I have believed for a long time. They were reinforced when my ex-wife left me and my son nearly two years ago. They resurface on a regular basis and I fight them, but they are there.
I’ve fought them more intensely here lately, but they are still there. They may always be there. They will likely always be there. It’s not something that I can just stop doing no matter how much someone tells me otherwise. I’ve surrounded myself with new friends who I appreciate more than I will ever be able to show them.
And yet those thoughts will persist. I might be able to quiet them down at times, but they are there. You could say that the voices are a little quieter at times, but they are still quite loud.
These things have been on my mind here lately. I’m fighting them, but they are strong. I definitely cannot say that they are not. What can I do, however? I’ve left so many things by the wayside because I’ve thought one negative thought about them. I’ve turned away from friends because I’ve thought that they would be better off without me. I’ve isolated myself for that same reason.
I have been very quiet here as of late and half of the reason is everything here. I’m stuck behind the prison bars of my mind when it tells me that I’m just not capable of doing this and other things. I have had so many ideas and things to write about, but I just have not done it. Is there a valid reason for any of it? No, I do not believe that there is, but there you have it.
Now, I need to be off to work. Jake needs to be dropped off with the groomer as well.
Y’all have yourselves an amazing day. Got it? Good.